I write for pain relief. Pain comes in many forms. My senses make lots of trouble for me. Tons of minute details pull for my attention. Meaningful things compete each day for my focus. They must compete against my impulse to be drawn to insignificant things such as a napkin to shred or a glass bottle to tap. I am panicked to leave my stims because I get overwhelmed by sounds and sights coming at me all at once. In school in PE I must keep moving to take my focus off the loud echoes from the gym. I must move in my seat to not be bothered by the seat's metallic hardness. I must allow myself to tap objects to find myself amidst all the chaos. I hope I cease being hindered by stims. I am compelled to stim so much it gets in the way of meeting my goals to be included in my regular classes. I am smart enough to do the work. But my teachers say it's not enough. I have to sit well. I have to be a little more focused. I have to be more quiet. I like to write to try to think about my life and how I can improve. I am peaceful when I can explain my thoughts and feelings. It relieves my anxieties more than stims. I care to replace some annoying stims with smart decisions. I forget to use my thinking brain when my senses get overloaded or I feel nervous by people's expectations. I can remember mom's words that people like me. I can learn not to be too anxious about many things that don't really hurt me. I can reason about situations. I can peacefully breathe to slow my body. Writing is my outlet for teaching myself each day and contributing to society. I love writing. It is my passion. I mean to be a writer. I like to imitate people I am admiring. I like Malala, potent authors, my friend Ryan, and my mom. I hope to learn to be more like them. I mean to write to make my thoughts be always remembered. Each day I try to write to be peaceful in my soul. I write to heal. In writing I find my joy.
Philip's 12th Birthday