Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Why Talking Is Hard

By Philip

Talking is very very very hard for me. Most of the time I am meaning to talk aloud to answer a question of me or make small talk. I am talking in my head all the time. People who talk have no idea how hard it is to not be able to talk. I am able to communicate now with typing my thoughts. Lavishing a lot of love to RPM (Rapid Prompting Method) I am grateful for a way to show my intelligence to the world.

Talking is hard because a lot of things make it practically impossible for me to communicate what I really want through speech. I am unable to make my mouth move accurately enough to make properly sounded out words. I cannot enunciate the ends of my words. The most difficult thing is making my thoughts loose from my mind. I am peaceful practicing my words in my mind. But for my mind to make free my good words I must make my thoughts spell words to get them out and make sense to others. Typing is easier because I can point more accurately than coordinate my mouth and tongue.

My anxiety can also affect my communication. I get nervous if I look people in the eyes. Most of the time I avoid eye contact with people who I don't know well. If I feel comfortable with you I can look you in the eyes. I feel powerless to feel or think when I am overwhelmed with anxiety. I am peaceful around familiar people I have come to trust. 

I write words in my mind so they don't disappear. Typing my thoughts makes it meaningful to the world. I am better at writing than speaking. Saying a word is like catching a fish I think. I cast my line into a sea of words. I hope to get the right one but I often retrieve the wrong one. I am making maps of words to fish for. For example I may have my go-to words for eating. I am making food words to retrieve. I can say salad and get it. Maybe I would like a banana instead but since my mouth knows how to retrieve salad better, that's the word I say in place of banana.

I am practicing talking among my classmates. I mean to relax more around them. My classmates talk so fast. I am so slow. People have to wait for me to type. I am popular but it is hard to make good friends without talking. I am hoping to be more able to talk some day.

Copyright 2015 Philip Reyes.  All rights reserved.


  1. You are so wonderful. my 3 1/2 yr old grandson is non verbal. goes to aba school and taking speech therapy. of course he is too young to type..he is developmentally delayed as well. You give me and many others so much hope. I am thrilled for you to be able to communicate and teach us how you think and respond. God has great plans for you. as I believe He does for my beloved grandson. God bless you...you are truly a blessing to all of us here on this journey.

    Jax Grandmother.

  2. Hi Philip! I just wanted to let you know that I read your posts to my son, Finn, who is almost 5 and like you in many ways. His eyes are so full of hope and when I read him your words. Hopefully he will be advocating like you one day soon! Thanks for sharing your story.

  3. Hi Philip, You inspire me! Nate

  4. Wow, thank you for your insight, Phillip! I just read your words to my son, who is now communicating using RPM. Keep going!

  5. Thanks for teaching us what it is like . You definitely are an intelligent boy. Keep up your good work!

  6. You are brave to share! I'm really touched by your kindness and gentleness towards people who cannot understand you. Jesus be with you always!

  7. hi philip,
    i am tarun. i am from india, i too do not speak. i type to communicate. i liked your post. you have written riveting thoughts.

    Hello Philip,
    I am Chitra Paul, Tarun's mother. Tarun is 10 years old and a non verbal autistic boy. We live in Bangalore, India. He also types like you and struggles to speak. I happened to come across your blog and read it to him. On asking whether he would like to comment, he wrote the above few sentences. I guess he could connect with what you have said in your blog.
    Thank you for the deep insights, for me as a parent it helps me understand my son better. Wishing you a A Happy New Year and hoping to read many more posts from you.

  8. Thank you for sharing your experiences. You are a real blessing to others.

  9. Thanks Philips for this great insight, I have an 8years old so I understand. You are an amazingly talented young man with great promise, God bless you.

  10. Thank you for your written words. Please keep writing them. The world needs you very much and I am sure there are many people who will benefit from your teaching.
    Much love and luck