Anxiety

I am dealing with anxiety a lot. Anxiety gets me aggressive and fearful. I hate when I get anxious because I have no control over my grabbing. The grabbing hurts people I love. It makes them not want to interact with me as much. The more anxious I get because I am afraid of being out of control. This results in me being depressed not being able to trust myself being around people. 

My mom was mad I could not control myself. She practiced being calm although she was making me more stressed out by her sadness. Nothing could be said to make me feel less anxious. 

I am trying to get my anxiety under control over the summer. The welcome break from school gives me time to get myself in a good place before school starts again. 

Everyone wants to know what made me anxious. I think anxiety is a biological thing in me. Fear is from not being able to stop my anxiety from messing up my relationships with people when aggressive impulses overwhelm me. Anxiety gets worse every time I get aggressive. The way I have dealt with this fear is to withdraw. 

This past month my mom took an online class to learn about how she could help me overcome anxiety. I think it will help. Mom would tell me what she learned on our walks. I learned about how my autonomic nervous system has sympathetic and parasympathetic parts. It even has an enteric nervous system that is like a second brain found in the gut. The autonomic nervous system reacts automatically. Losing control of my behaviors could be linked to my autonomic nervous system. I liked this explanation because I have not been able to control myself by willpower. Wanting to behave has not made me behave. 

Mom is learning ways to help me have a more regulated nervous system by nutrition and exercise. I am also trying a probiotic to keep my gut healthy. I have had stomachaches for many years. Maybe it is related to my anxiety.

This summer my goal is to get my anxiety under control. I will do this by learning to eat better, get more exercise, meditation, getting better sleep, and gradually exposing myself to situations that cause me stress and not back away from challenges. 

I want to be able to live comfortably in society as best as I can. 

Special thanks to Mike Ramirez of SpecialFit for sharing his expertise on the body, nervous system, nutrition, and exercise in his Parent Mentoring Program. You can find out more about his programs at www.special-fit.com or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/SpecialFit/

 Doing work in the garden is calming 

Mike Ramirez coaching a student at his SpecialFit Gym in California

My Thoughts on George Floyd

I am sad about what is happening in our country with how black people are being treated. They are not seen as equally valued as whites by our society. The murder of George Floyd by a police officer was the latest publicly seen injustice by our society’s institution of the police.  The police are supposed to be used for our protection. The police should be the good guys and help others be safe. Instead there are some bad cops that make many black people fearful and bring trauma and even death unnecessarily. George Floyd is a human being who had feelings, family, and should have had many more years to live. Instead his life ended being suffocated at the mercy of a police officer who cruelly crushed his neck until he died.  The officer did not look like he cared. He looked like he wanted to show he could do whatever he wanted to because he has the power. 

I want go address how this inequality is evil. It makes our country grow more divided and hateful towards each other.  If those in power keep resisting change or do not acknowledge there is a problem with racism this cycle of violence and increasing fear will destroy everyone. We need to listen to black people and support them in getting the things they need to thrive in society like whites. 

People must recognize how minorities don’t get the same treatment as the majority. I am not black but I belong to several minority groups. I am asian, hispanic, autistic, nonspeaking, and disabled. I do not know what it is like to be black, but I do know what it is like to live with disadvantages. I cannot speak like everyone else and I am misjudged all the time. I am often expected to comply with expectations made by others. I fear when I am misunderstood.  I think another majority injustice is when majority sets the rules that affect minorities. I am mentioning this because I have had my voice and communication oppressed at a school that dismissed it and by autism professionals who said it is not real.

There are institutions that are unfair and unequal. I am proposing more equal education in which a diversity of voices are taught. People should give support to disadvantaged people more than those who already have advantages. People should listen more without trying to win an argument. People should try to be understanding rather than defensive of their own perspective. 

I think the world can still get better. People need to listen to minority voices. They need to welcome us as equals. We must stop ignoring those who are different. Let's be a nation that is truly united and loving to all people. We are going to be the best nation if we can fix our problem with racism.