Monday, February 25, 2019

Dominican Republic 2019

I went to Dominican Republic for February break. I have been there once before when I was 11. I am glad we came back. I made many good memories.

I really enjoy being with my family. They got to be more together without being busy. I like having time to get away from having to be doing jobs and keeping busy. My mom made sure we had fun things to do. My dad made sure to make rest an important part of vacation.

Many days I swam in the pool and walked on the beach. The weather was so beautifully sunny and warm. My home is so cold for many months. It is terrific to be able to go outside to be in nature with fresh air and sun warming your body. I love being outdoors because my body feels most relaxed. I feel most peaceful.

My cousins Tommy and Roger were there too. I like being with them. They are lots of fun. They are very entertaining. I think they are great cousins. Aunt Kit and Uncle Mike are nice. Lolo and Lola make me always feel understood and loved. Mr. and Mrs. Gough are kind to me. Lia is my dear sister always.

One day we went to Santo Domingo for an excursion. Santo Domingo is the capital of the Dominican Republic. I enjoyed taking a tour of the first colonial city in the new world. I saw the castle of king Diego Columbus and an old fortress with cannons. I saw the first cathedral in the western hemisphere. It was very beautiful. I am glad I get to be able to be among other site seers even though I am autistic.

I am getting to become better at traveling. Being able to see the world is really great.

Thursday, January 31, 2019

New York City

Last weekend I went to Manhattan to see my sister compete in gymnastics. I learned about New York City a long time ago from a book mom used to read me. It was called My New York. In the book there was a girl who showed us her favorite places in NY like the Statue of Liberty, Chinatown, and Empire State Building. I wanted to go see those places. I tried to make myself enjoy the sensations of the city rather than hide from them. I tested myself by taking in the sights and sounds and smells and letting them go without letting them become overpowering. I found myself enjoying the loud sights of the city.

I paid attention to the ethnic diversity all around me. My favorite thing about the city was seeing so many different cultures. We ate at Korean, Colombian, Italian, Filipino, and bagel places. Everywhere I walked I heard different languages. I loved seeing so many different people living together.

Filipino fast food at Jollibee's

I met my mom’s friend Nate. He works at the Empire State Building. He showed us around his office. It was really cool. I saw the city from high up. It was full of tall buildings. I could see very far. I could see the Statue of Liberty in the distance. It must have welcomed so many people to the USA. I love that my ancestors came to America. I think it is the best place in the world because anyone can make a good life here.

Mom and Nate

View from Empire State Building

I saw my first Broadway show. It was Aladdin. It was amazing. I loved the Genie. He was so funny. There were some special effects. It looked like magic. I hope to see more theater in the future.

Being in New York City was good for a weekend but I don’t think I could live there permanently. I think there are too many sensations to feel all the time. I would never get to feel totally rested. I mean to visit New York again. There is so much more to see.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

New Year's Resolution 2019

This year I want to get fit. I made my New Year’s resolution to exercise everyday. Practicing moving my body purposefully is learning. I have to learn both for my mind and body. Moving my body the way I want it is my biggest challenge today. I mean to overcome this challenge like the many challenges I had in the past. I have overcome not being able to express my intelligence. I have overcome being excluded from my public school. I have overcome some of my sensory challenges so I can handle going out more and having fun. There is hope I can overcome my wild body too. Being able to control my body will help me so much. I could make more meaningful actions to become more independent. I could get more control to stop impulsive behaviors. I would be more confident because I wouldn’t have to worry about my body embarrassing me with its crazy antics and weird tics.

My mom has been learning about exercises and reflex integration to help mature my brain so it works better. I believe my body will make more necessary neural connections. I am also trying to strengthen my muscles by lifting weights. I want to feel my body in space better. I feel my limbs better with weights. More muscle should help me feel my body better.

Meaningless body movements make me mad. I am now destroying all my shirts by mouthing them. I don’t want to look like a homeless person in rags but I am powerless to stop my habit. I want my body to listen when my mind tells it not to bite or do other annoying things. Perhaps I can get better at impulse control with my new exercises.

I love exercising because it makes me feel good. I hope to meet my goals. I mean to give it my all.

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

My Own Path

I have recently changed my school path from being diploma bound to life skills. I am at peace with this decision. I tried very hard to be a regular student but it was more than what I could handle even with my supports. My autism is really my biggest hurdle. Making my body cooperate for long periods of time was more than I could manage. I fell behind in doing work and got frustrated to the point of having too many meltdowns. Learning was becoming more difficult because I tried to control my body . It took up most of my energy so that I had none left for getting educated or typing. I was starting to not enjoy school. I am really feeling more at peace making the change to life skills.

I am still going to some regular classes. I really love Global Studies and Music in Our Lives. I will learn everything I can and do all the work I am able to do. But I won’t have to do everything if it is too much. I am in some special ed classes too. They are not a lot of work. I can still learn and become better at working on my skills.

I am meaning to make the most of my opportunities. I try to make myself more calm so I can participate more easily. I am forging my own path. I think I can still make a meaningful and productive life without a diploma. I can try to enjoy my high school years more by taking the classes I really like and not worrying about meeting all the graduation requirements. I can also make friends with people more like me. I want dear teachers to keep challenging me to do as much as I can. Learning is more fun for me again.

Philip

Keyboarding in Music in Our Lives

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Peace is Hard to Find

Peace is very hard to find. Watching, waiting for my mind to answer questions. Why can’t I act normal? Why am I so fearful? Why am I not able to do the simplest things? Lots of questions. I am heaping many questions on God. I have the school of great teachers. I can learn but the beast that is my body makes me really hard to manage. It addresses every impulse every second of the day. I am tired of my body. It gets me in trouble all the time. I am always scared of its next move. I am really so embarrassed by its actions. I wish I could be seen by my thoughts instead of my actions. But we live in a world of appearance. I would like to be normal in my body but still have my autistic soul.

Philip

Saturday, October 27, 2018

Sensory Trouble

I have been having problems typing lately. I can still type with mom but I am no longer able to type at school. I am becoming more distracted by my sensory world. I feel trapped in my thoughts of madness. I see very many meaningless details. I feel every annoying itch. I hear the meaningless sound of everything competing with my teachers. I get overstimulated.

I need to get myself in the right zone to think for school. Leaving my sensory world is important so I can learn and make my words flow. The words can’t surface in the storm. I need an anchor to keep me from getting overwhelmed by the hurricane of stimuli. The anchor is my aide. I need to trust she will guide me out of the storm and keep me focused on the task. I mean to learn to be better at managing myself at school. But I am not doing well yet. I need even more support than I needed last year. I am calling on God to help me be able to get through this hard time in my life. Please pray for me.

Philip

Backhuysen, Ludolf - Christ in the Storm on the Sea of Galilee - 1695

Saturday, October 6, 2018

Trapped

I am locked in my mind

Cannot bail out my thoughts.

I try to say how i feel

but my mind is not carrying messages out today.

Waiting for the gates

Of my mind to be

Thrown open

Wide.