Reflections on Pixar's Inside Out

By Philip

I saw the movie Inside Out. I enjoyed learning about emotions and memories from Inside Out. I watched some nonsense movies recently. This one was alright but not as good as Big Hero 6. There are five competing emotions in the character Riley’s brain.  They are Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust, and Fear as personified. They compete to make memories for Riley. Memories form islands of meaning.  For Riley, these include loving family and hockey. My acceptance of my autism is an island of meaning for me. Lots of emotions and memories have built it. Pain and sadness are as much a part of my life as joy. Lots of different emotions are necessary. People usually only want to experience joy. But people make important memories based on many emotions. I am able to tell you about autism because I have meaningful memories based on lots of varying emotions. I am peacefully putting sad memories away. I made the decision to walk an autistic life and no longer try to become like a neurotypical person.  Peace comes from accepting my path. I am meaning to make the most of my life. Saving others like me from a life of insignificance is my mission. 

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Moses and Fear

As I wrote in yesterday’s post, Philip wanted me to teach him a lesson on facing fears over the weekend.  It just so happened that today I was leafing through Philip’s Stockade achievement book and the next activity was called “Controlling Your Fears.”  It was a lesson on Moses.  It was one of those little moments when you feel God’s smile and wink in your direction as He gifts you a little surprise.

I read Philip the story of Moses from Exodus 3 and 4.  It is the story of God calling Moses from the burning bush to send him to Pharoah to deliver the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt and into the Promised Land.  Moses was understandably intimidated by this tall order and kept coming back to God with excuses, even to the point of pleading, “O Lord, please send someone else to do it!”  

We began talking about fear as a natural part in everybody’s lives.  Fear can be good because it helps us to think before we act and avoid doing something stupid or dangerous.  But fear can be harmful if it keeps us from doing good things, including what God would want us to do.  We read from Exodus and then Philip answered the following:

When does Moses begin to be afraid? (Philip's answers in bold)

He began to be afraid when he hears God in the burning bush.  God says he was going to rescue His people.  It made him feel like he was solely responsible for all the people.  He was scared.  I am sure I would be scared too.

 

How does God comfort Moses?

God said “I will be with you.”  He is I AM.  He is timeless.  

In Exodus 4:13, why is Moses saying no to God? 

I think he is thinking he is not good enough to accomplish God’s plan too well.

What would be different if Moses trusted God?

He would be brave.

What would have happened if Moses let fear get in the way of doing God’s plan?

He would not see God’s glory.

How did God help Moses conquer his fear?

God answered Moses by letting him have Aaron to help him speak to Pharoah.  God gave him signs to show His power.  God gave His word.

What are some of your fears?

I am fearful of a hard life as an autistic.  I am tired from living in a world made for normal people.  I am tired of word spelling to talk when others get to talk normally.  I am sorely lonely.

  

I fear total elimination of autistics due to illness prevention programs.  Autism is not an illness.  It is a variation of humanness.  I do not want to be cured bc to be cured means to die.  There is too much talk about cure.  It is hurtful.  It makes me feel worthless.  It makes me feel so sad.

I fear the kind of learning most autistics get.  I am fearful that they won’t be educated to address important skills to understand the world and get a chance to communicate.  I fear they will get hurt by restraints.  I fear they will get nowhere.  No way out.  I fear they are so sad.  I fear there is no hope.  I fear they will die without a trace.  I fear they are terrified by the teachers who do not know they are smart.  Each day I yearn to help them.

How does God help you with your fears?

God helps me care about others to help them.  He works to help bring me to people who can help me.  He lead me to Soma coupled with Tracy, Harvey, and Lisa.  He answers my prayers to speak and learn.  God is my Savior and Lord.  He is always with me.  I do not have to be afraid with God.  He is my courage and strength.  I am blessed.  The end.

     

Stress

This past weekend began with a trip to the AMC sensory friendly showing of the movie Muppets Most Wanted.  Throughout the movie, I had sensed Philip was not as into this movie as some of the others.  I wasn’t sure why.  I myself didn’t find it too enjoyable because they had the volume turned down too low for me to hear comfortably with all the noise around me from the people watching.  I had to strain my ears to concentrate on what was being said in the film.  Philip also kept telling me he had to go to the bathroom which annoyed me.

 

When we got home I decided to have Philip practice typing by giving me his impressions of the movie.  In the past he has written a movie review, but this time he took his writing a different direction.  I asked Philip, “What did you think of the movie?”

Philip typed out his response with my support on his forearm giving backward resistance and resetting his arm to a neutral position with each letter.  The typing was much slower than his spelling on the letterboard as he would often miss his target key one key off and self-correct his mistakes.  I did not provide any verbal cuing except an occasional comment to think about the target letter before aiming after several missed hits. (Philip’s answers in bold)  

Philip typed:  I liked it.  I thought I pleaded less to our noise to tension in the theater.  I feel peoples tension a lot.  Under the duress of the territorial pull of the theater youth who do not have right to do fc or rpm.

(Philip explained the above statement a day later on his letterboard, "I am sensitive to peoples emotions and it sometimes overwhelms me."  So you can feel the emotion of the people in the theater?  "Yes.  They have tough lives.") 

I continued the initial conversation on the letterboard, Philip's primary mode of commnication, and asked Philip, “What is your experience at the sensory friendly films?”

I feel stressed bc I am sad kids cannot communicate.  

“Which movies do you prefer to go to then, regular showings (we had seen Lego movie at a regular showing over mid-winter break) or sensory friendly?”

Regular.

I then asked Philip if he wanted to write a movie review or do a lesson.  He spelled on his board, “I want you to teach me a lesson.”  “On what?” I asked.  “About facing fears,” he spelled.  I wasn’t sure how to come up with a lesson on that topic on the fly, so I resorted to my go-to, fall-back lesson planner, Brain Pop on my iPad.  I looked up the lessons in the health section and saw there was one on Stress.  That seems the closest in category so we watched the lesson together and Philip took the quiz and got 80%.

I planned to use the lesson as a springboard for typing practice.  I thought Philip might simply type answers to reiterate what was talked about in the lesson, but again, Philip had his own ideas.

At his desk with the iPad, I asked Philip, “What is a synonym for stress?”  Philip typed: autism.

“Name me some symptoms of stress.”  Philip typed: you utter nonsense too much, intermittent petulance, intense tantrums, urination too much

As Philip began to show irritation, I asked Philip what was the matter.  He spelled, I am tired from typing.

Later on I asked Philip if he wanted to continue our discussion on stress and whether he wanted to type or use his letterboard.  “Yes” he wanted to continue and with his “letterboard.”

Philip added the following symptoms of stress:  head banging, so pitiful whining, mouth objects.  I am tense about sounds.  I am petulant to accept help.  I am leaving in so far that nothing matters except escaping fear.  I am kind of mean to people by pulling their clothes.  

“What are some things that cause you stress?”

Not talking, tons of noise, typing on iPad.  When I have to get a haricut.  To sit still is so hard (in regards to haircuts).  I might get hurt.  Each day I am tore apart by tons of nots.  (“What do you mean by that?”) I cannot do a lot of things normal kids can do.  

“What are some things you want to do that normal kids do?”

I want to learn normally.  I want to play sometimes too.  Make friends.

“What things help deal with stress or make you feel better?”

Patience.  Meeting a goal to increase independence.  I am liking (my teacher’s) exercises to address learning.  Stories about people overcoming.  Not fearing the future.  The likes on facebook.  The notes from people reading my blog.  Each day mom talking to me.  Time to veryis (various) teachings about different topics to learn about the world.

      

 Our first sensory friendly film seen (Planes) from last summer

     

       

The Mental Map- Part 3: Affect

Affect is the third part of our mental map.  In every situation we encounter, we experience feelings and emotions associated with it.  These feelings affect our behavior.  A visit to a new city can be met with different emotions that affect our behavior in different ways.  If we were planning a trip to that city to see the sites, we will be excited and anticipatory.  We may be looking around with wonderment, snapping pictures, and frequenting the souvenir shops.  If we go to that same city, but by mistake because we got lost on our way to another destination, we would have different feelings, perhaps fear, annoyance, or anger.  Our behavior would be much different.  We’d be trying our best to get out of there by looking at a map or gps, asking for directions, or wandering around arguing with one another.

Today, was a particularly good day to discuss affect with Philip.  As always, Philip gave me permission to blog about it.  Philip’s school note came home saying Philip did very well in his classroom, but had to be taken out of music and lunch because he got upset.  Music and lunch are two periods he spends with the “normal” kids.  

I began by reviewing the lesson on affect from Soma’s book and Philip freely brought up his feelings about transitioning to his new school.

Philip, what is affect? (Philip’s answers in bold)

It is an emotion.

How does this relate to what you are going through?

I have strong emotions.  I am meeting kids who do not struggle with autism like me.  I have a hard time each day accepting my autism.  One day I hope to be more normal.  I want to be able to talk and make friends easily.  I’m timid around normal kids.  Today I had a meltdown each time I was around them.  I was anxious because the idea of them teasing me terrified me.  I very deemed myself to escape the situation to avoid attack of emotions.  When I had the meltdown I felt ashamed.  Before I went to (my school) I was not expected to know anything.  It was easy to address each day whether or not I was expected to fit in.  There was pressure from no one to fit in.  At (my school) I am looked at as smart each day.  I am expected to ade (aid) myself at trying to make friends with normal kids.  I am having a hard time doing it.  I am attracted to kids with autism too.  They are easier to be with.  I am too tedious to deal with.  I understand I am difficult and I want to get a lot attained.  I want to get a good education, teach about autism, make friends with normal and autistic kids, and reach notable status.  I want to advance at (my school) because the teachers at (my school) go to great lengths to not get mad at me.  They listen to me.  They don’t let my behaviors stop them from teaching me.  I like to spell personally with them.  I readily spell with them because they think I am smart.  I want them to help me make friends by piecing a plan for me to purposely talk to them.  I want so much to be included.  I need to stop having meltdowns.  I will try to think each day about silly thoughts so I too can relax.  I am turning into a student who can problem solve.  I like our format of learning at home.  Each day I am understanding myself and the world a lot better.  It is medicine to learn to accept no limit to what you can go to. 

 At Leaps and Bounce for Cousin Tommy's 4th Birthday- 3/8/14

      

Valentine's Message

I think love is a feeling of really liking.

I love my family.

I love God.

I love the satisfaction of accomplishment.

I love that I can communicate.

I love my new school.

I love walking around town.

I love light in each thing. (“How so,” mom asked.  Light is good.)

I love now each day. (“What do you mean?”  The present)

I love influencing someone to reach dreams.

I love to sow seeds and watch them grow. (I am telling my story and the Soma letterboard is teaching others to talk.)

One day I will love hearing I am talking.

I love interesting topics like today’s news and spiritual things.

I love coming to need open-minded education. (It is learning to think for yourself.)

I love storing open teachers.

I love America.

I love most reaching-out people (People who try to understand me.)

I love kids who understand me.

I love opportunities to prove myself.

I love answers to my questions.

I love my tons of out-of-the-box thoughts.

I love reaching out to others.

I love going to public world to explain autism.

Love is right to accept.

Most of all, love is each day the only thing that matters.