For World Autism Acceptance Day

by Philip

I am a type to understand misperceptions of us. To search solutions about autism, one needs to reach out to us in love and vote on our behalf. Too needing of convenience is the world towards us. Too weird we seem. You want things to be neat and same. I used to peace (piece) together people's expectations and mourn I could not meet them. I am so lucky my family accepts me as I am and is willing to accommodate me. Today try to make our lives better by understanding us and accepting us as we are. Include us in your lives. Talk to us even if we don't respond. We are listening. I am storing up happy memories with every person's kindness. 

 Tots Playgroup Halloween Party 2006

For Autism Acceptance Month

By Philip

I am telling you the truth about autism this month for a change. I used to accept I was belittled by society because I could not speak. Teaching me communication changed that. Now I speak loudly for change. We autistics are smart. Not listening to us is kiss of death. I am hoping for a world where all autistics can be given their voices. Today one thing you can do is to accept us as smart and believe we have something talkers can learn from. 

Moses and Fear

As I wrote in yesterday’s post, Philip wanted me to teach him a lesson on facing fears over the weekend.  It just so happened that today I was leafing through Philip’s Stockade achievement book and the next activity was called “Controlling Your Fears.”  It was a lesson on Moses.  It was one of those little moments when you feel God’s smile and wink in your direction as He gifts you a little surprise.

I read Philip the story of Moses from Exodus 3 and 4.  It is the story of God calling Moses from the burning bush to send him to Pharoah to deliver the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt and into the Promised Land.  Moses was understandably intimidated by this tall order and kept coming back to God with excuses, even to the point of pleading, “O Lord, please send someone else to do it!”  

We began talking about fear as a natural part in everybody’s lives.  Fear can be good because it helps us to think before we act and avoid doing something stupid or dangerous.  But fear can be harmful if it keeps us from doing good things, including what God would want us to do.  We read from Exodus and then Philip answered the following:

When does Moses begin to be afraid? (Philip's answers in bold)

He began to be afraid when he hears God in the burning bush.  God says he was going to rescue His people.  It made him feel like he was solely responsible for all the people.  He was scared.  I am sure I would be scared too.

 

How does God comfort Moses?

God said “I will be with you.”  He is I AM.  He is timeless.  

In Exodus 4:13, why is Moses saying no to God? 

I think he is thinking he is not good enough to accomplish God’s plan too well.

What would be different if Moses trusted God?

He would be brave.

What would have happened if Moses let fear get in the way of doing God’s plan?

He would not see God’s glory.

How did God help Moses conquer his fear?

God answered Moses by letting him have Aaron to help him speak to Pharoah.  God gave him signs to show His power.  God gave His word.

What are some of your fears?

I am fearful of a hard life as an autistic.  I am tired from living in a world made for normal people.  I am tired of word spelling to talk when others get to talk normally.  I am sorely lonely.

  

I fear total elimination of autistics due to illness prevention programs.  Autism is not an illness.  It is a variation of humanness.  I do not want to be cured bc to be cured means to die.  There is too much talk about cure.  It is hurtful.  It makes me feel worthless.  It makes me feel so sad.

I fear the kind of learning most autistics get.  I am fearful that they won’t be educated to address important skills to understand the world and get a chance to communicate.  I fear they will get hurt by restraints.  I fear they will get nowhere.  No way out.  I fear they are so sad.  I fear there is no hope.  I fear they will die without a trace.  I fear they are terrified by the teachers who do not know they are smart.  Each day I yearn to help them.

How does God help you with your fears?

God helps me care about others to help them.  He works to help bring me to people who can help me.  He lead me to Soma coupled with Tracy, Harvey, and Lisa.  He answers my prayers to speak and learn.  God is my Savior and Lord.  He is always with me.  I do not have to be afraid with God.  He is my courage and strength.  I am blessed.  The end.

     

Stress

This past weekend began with a trip to the AMC sensory friendly showing of the movie Muppets Most Wanted.  Throughout the movie, I had sensed Philip was not as into this movie as some of the others.  I wasn’t sure why.  I myself didn’t find it too enjoyable because they had the volume turned down too low for me to hear comfortably with all the noise around me from the people watching.  I had to strain my ears to concentrate on what was being said in the film.  Philip also kept telling me he had to go to the bathroom which annoyed me.

 

When we got home I decided to have Philip practice typing by giving me his impressions of the movie.  In the past he has written a movie review, but this time he took his writing a different direction.  I asked Philip, “What did you think of the movie?”

Philip typed out his response with my support on his forearm giving backward resistance and resetting his arm to a neutral position with each letter.  The typing was much slower than his spelling on the letterboard as he would often miss his target key one key off and self-correct his mistakes.  I did not provide any verbal cuing except an occasional comment to think about the target letter before aiming after several missed hits. (Philip’s answers in bold)  

Philip typed:  I liked it.  I thought I pleaded less to our noise to tension in the theater.  I feel peoples tension a lot.  Under the duress of the territorial pull of the theater youth who do not have right to do fc or rpm.

(Philip explained the above statement a day later on his letterboard, "I am sensitive to peoples emotions and it sometimes overwhelms me."  So you can feel the emotion of the people in the theater?  "Yes.  They have tough lives.") 

I continued the initial conversation on the letterboard, Philip's primary mode of commnication, and asked Philip, “What is your experience at the sensory friendly films?”

I feel stressed bc I am sad kids cannot communicate.  

“Which movies do you prefer to go to then, regular showings (we had seen Lego movie at a regular showing over mid-winter break) or sensory friendly?”

Regular.

I then asked Philip if he wanted to write a movie review or do a lesson.  He spelled on his board, “I want you to teach me a lesson.”  “On what?” I asked.  “About facing fears,” he spelled.  I wasn’t sure how to come up with a lesson on that topic on the fly, so I resorted to my go-to, fall-back lesson planner, Brain Pop on my iPad.  I looked up the lessons in the health section and saw there was one on Stress.  That seems the closest in category so we watched the lesson together and Philip took the quiz and got 80%.

I planned to use the lesson as a springboard for typing practice.  I thought Philip might simply type answers to reiterate what was talked about in the lesson, but again, Philip had his own ideas.

At his desk with the iPad, I asked Philip, “What is a synonym for stress?”  Philip typed: autism.

“Name me some symptoms of stress.”  Philip typed: you utter nonsense too much, intermittent petulance, intense tantrums, urination too much

As Philip began to show irritation, I asked Philip what was the matter.  He spelled, I am tired from typing.

Later on I asked Philip if he wanted to continue our discussion on stress and whether he wanted to type or use his letterboard.  “Yes” he wanted to continue and with his “letterboard.”

Philip added the following symptoms of stress:  head banging, so pitiful whining, mouth objects.  I am tense about sounds.  I am petulant to accept help.  I am leaving in so far that nothing matters except escaping fear.  I am kind of mean to people by pulling their clothes.  

“What are some things that cause you stress?”

Not talking, tons of noise, typing on iPad.  When I have to get a haricut.  To sit still is so hard (in regards to haircuts).  I might get hurt.  Each day I am tore apart by tons of nots.  (“What do you mean by that?”) I cannot do a lot of things normal kids can do.  

“What are some things you want to do that normal kids do?”

I want to learn normally.  I want to play sometimes too.  Make friends.

“What things help deal with stress or make you feel better?”

Patience.  Meeting a goal to increase independence.  I am liking (my teacher’s) exercises to address learning.  Stories about people overcoming.  Not fearing the future.  The likes on facebook.  The notes from people reading my blog.  Each day mom talking to me.  Time to veryis (various) teachings about different topics to learn about the world.

      

 Our first sensory friendly film seen (Planes) from last summer

     

       

School

Written 3/26 

by Philip

Today I liked school.  I am understanding to reassure America, I need to prove my intelligence by meeting the common core standards.  I kind of want to prove myself too.  Now to not care is preparing a person to aim low.  I am like a rifle aiming at the bulls-eye.  I am a person with a goal to go into an understanding profession.  I am interested in intelligences.  I want to pursue neuroscience.  I like studying how the brain works.  Many times understanding comes from my autism.  I enjoy understanding things.  I piece together teachings from school and life.  Each day tons of loops to tie up.  I am thinking of pieces of solving problems.

   

I think of the problem of DTTs (discrete trial teaching in ABA).  I think (my old school) gets it wrong.  They don’t teach anything.  They only use each day to reach nothing.  I used to learn to leave my mind behind.  Each day was torture.  I am liking (my new school) so much better.  It is a place where I can learn.  So long (old school).  I like not working for reinforcers.  I felt like a so-called animal.