I sometimes have problems with regulating my body. Regulating means keeping my body calm and able to function. Getting dysregulated is most stressful. I get dysregulated easily. I am dysregulated by my senses. My eyes see lots of details. I get so very many pictures in my mind. My ears hear sounds all in one volume. Loud. My sense of touch is messed up. I am too sensitive with some touches. When I have to go to the dentist I have anxiety because my senses become heightened. I have a hard time with people having to touch me to cut my nails or hair. I have a hard time with people touching my teeth or examining my body at the doctor’s. I feel like I am being tortured in the same way some people are tortured by tickling. I lose my ability to act rationally because it feels like I will die of fear. The senses of taste and smell do not bother me as much.
Proprioception is my biggest problem. My body does not feel where it is in space. I make many movements I don’t want to make but I am compelled to do it so I can feel my body. I must tap or twirl something in my hands to feel them. I often rock or pace to feel my core. Independent motor planning of my body is difficult for these reasons. Making my body obey new motor commands is practically impossible without outside support of a trusted helper like my mom. I need someone to prompt me to stay on task and make sure I do it. I need someone to redirect me from stims and things I do automatically. The things I do to regulate my senses are the same things I need prompting from to communicate and move in a goal-directed manner. I am meaning to improve with sensory integration so I can become more independent too.
I am making improvements on my own as I get older. I have learned to endure noise better. I can go into auditoriums for concerts and shows. I wanted to be able to come to my siblings’ concerts, games, and meets. I challenged myself to make it through even though I felt uncomfortable. I had to make myself feel the echoes, energy from the crowd, and fast moving sights. I found out I could get used to it. I am glad I can now attend many events without too many problems. I can now tell myself to remain calm. Many times I can do it but not all the time.
Making improvements in self-regulation is one of my goals in the New Year. I hope to try working with an OT to find ways to get my senses working more properly so they help me be more independent and easy going.
Copyright 2017 Philip Reyes. All rights reserved.