Tuesday, June 30, 2020


I am dealing with anxiety a lot. Anxiety gets me aggressive and fearful. I hate when I get anxious because I have no control over my grabbing. The grabbing hurts people I love. It makes them not want to interact with me as much. The more anxious I get because I am afraid of being out of control. This results in me being depressed not being able to trust myself being around people. 

My mom was mad I could not control myself. She practiced being calm although she was making me more stressed out by her sadness. Nothing could be said to make me feel less anxious. 

I am trying to get my anxiety under control over the summer. The welcome break from school gives me time to get myself in a good place before school starts again. 

Everyone wants to know what made me anxious. I think anxiety is a biological thing in me. Fear is from not being able to stop my anxiety from messing up my relationships with people when aggressive impulses overwhelm me. Anxiety gets worse every time I get aggressive. The way I have dealt with this fear is to withdraw. 

This past month my mom took an online class to learn about how she could help me overcome anxiety. I think it will help. Mom would tell me what she learned on our walks. I learned about how my autonomic nervous system has sympathetic and parasympathetic parts. It even has an enteric nervous system that is like a second brain found in the gut. The autonomic nervous system reacts automatically. Losing control of my behaviors could be linked to my autonomic nervous system. I liked this explanation because I have not been able to control myself by willpower. Wanting to behave has not made me behave. 

Mom is learning ways to help me have a more regulated nervous system by nutrition and exercise. I am also trying a probiotic to keep my gut healthy. I have had stomachaches for many years. Maybe it is related to my anxiety.

This summer my goal is to get my anxiety under control. I will do this by learning to eat better, get more exercise, meditation, getting better sleep, and gradually exposing myself to situations that cause me stress and not back away from challenges. 

I want to be able to live comfortably in society as best as I can. 

Special thanks to Mike Ramirez of SpecialFit for sharing his expertise on the body, nervous system, nutrition, and exercise in his Parent Mentoring Program. You can find out more about his programs at www.special-fit.com or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/SpecialFit/

 Doing work in the garden is calming 

Mike Ramirez coaching a student at his SpecialFit Gym in California


  1. Thanks for your post Phil. Anxiety can be an issue for any person. I believe that having autism magnifies the depth and frequency of anxious feelings. Max constantly brings attention to his stomach not feeling right also. Your focus on your diet and exercise is very good. I’m sure that you will feel better. keep up the great work.

  2. Hi Phil. My name is Michaela. I stumbled across your blog in hopes I can better understand non-verbal people. I just recently accepted a para-educator job at an elementary school, and I will specifically be working with non-verbal kiddos. One thing I did not expect while reading this post, was the topic of anxiety and the tips you shared.

    I have struggled with anxiety since I can remember. This whole post, I want to commend you on. But, one thing I want to commend you on that stuck out to me, was your quote: "This summer my goal is to get my anxiety under control....gradually exposing myself to situations that cause me stress and not back away from challenges." What a challenging and inspiring thought.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Don't ever stop doing that.

    Take Care.

  3. My son Ben, now age 48, had extreme anxiety up to age 13-1/2. Then in a new school program he started jogging 3 times a day for 20 minutes each time at about 6 MPH. Of course there were other changes but I am just mentioning the exercise. How much exercise do you get?

  4. Hi Philip! Anxiety has been a huge part of my life. In new situations, my anxiety feels paralyzing! Keep up the great work!

  5. My 3yr old son is autistic and non verbal. He grabs and hits me. Hes a strong little guy and he can really hurt me when he grabs me unexpectedly. I thought he was just looking for attention. Now I'm wondering if he can't control it. Your blog is helping me. Thanks Philip.

  6. I found your blog when trying to find representation from non-speaking autistic people online. I am autistic too and have been trying to get anxiety under control also. I too came to the thought that it is biological in me. I have downloaded the Calm app. It has nice meditations on it as well as sleep stories, ASMR, relaxing music etc. I have been trying to use CBT and exercise and healthy eating. I think that managing anxiety involves a mixture of different things. Medication helps to take the edge off and I am nicer to live with because of it, but it is not a magic pill. I do all of the other things too. Anyway, sorry if I am rambling on! I am glad to have found your blog.

  7. As the grandmother of a 2 year old nonverbal autistic child, this is a wonderful insight. Thank you for sharing, so appreciated.

  8. Don’t forget this verse from the bible Philip, it is one I am
    prone to forget myself.. to my own detriment. Matthew 11 28. ‘Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light’. Jesus said this; so much comfort can be had by letting Jesus know your thoughts, your trials, your fears. Noone knows you better and loves you more.

  9. Hi Philip, I can’t thank you enough for helping us understand our 4-year old daughter so much better. So inspired to read your blogs. May all the powers in the universe be with you and help you achieve what you want to.

    1. I am so happy your daughters autism was realized and diagnosed so she can get the support she needs. I am an autistic female but was not diagnosed until age 25. Many women are never diagnosed. Your daughter will have a great life with supportive parents looking out for her.