D writes:
Hi Philip,
My sister, who has a son
with autism, just told me about your page. I am a big admirer of what you're
doing.
I am trying to learn everything I can about what life is like for my
nephew so I can interact with him better. As I'm only just discovering your page,
I'm not sure if you've covered this topic before: Why is it so difficult to
make eye contact with people? For me, it was always hard to communicate with my
nephew because I used to think he wasn't paying attention since he was looking
away or stimming, which made it seem like it was impossible for him to hear
what I was saying. I know better now, but would love to find out more about
what it's like. Thank you for opening up your world to us - you are an
inspiration!
D
Coral Springs, Florida
Philip writes:
I am letting you know about eye
contact. My eyes see very well. Most people seem to need to have to look
long and hard to make sense of a picture. I can take in a whole picture at a
glance. Each day I see too many little petty details. I look away to not get
overwhelmed by a lot of little bits of information. I watch things a teacher or
person I listen to tell me to watch. This helps me concentrate on what I should
be focusing on. I can search for a teacher's voice to try to focus on. I am
academically learning best when I sit side by side with a teacher. A seat on
the side keeps me focused on your voice, and not on visual distractions. I am
assessing many sounds too. I have to erase some stimuli to access my answers to
people's questions and meet their demands. That is why I don't make eye
contact. I am always listening. I listen a lot to voices. I so love when people
talk to me and are not talking like I am not there. I am active because I am
unable to feel my body well. People think I am being rude but I can't help
it. I need to move to feel my body but sitting down at least helps me not
walk away from you. Please peacefully talk to your nephew. Let him know you
understand. I am sad when people think I don't like them. I love people.
From,
Philip
Corrales, New Mexico, Christmas 2014
This makes me (an autistic/aspie adult) happy to read. it is a never ending debacle unfortunately. I'm so happy Teachers are making these efforts though! Great read!
ReplyDeleteHi Paul, this is Philip's mom, Lisa. Thank you for reading and commenting! I read your comment to Philip. You (and all those with Autism) are our true Teachers of Autism. I am so glad he now has a voice and can share with everyone the intricacies of an autistic mind.
DeleteI love this! My five year-old has Autism and it's hard for him to focus on my eyes for longer than a few seconds- he is also very active and constantly moving, so that part was interesting to read, too! Tell Philip "thank you" for sharing this with us!
ReplyDeleteMy boy is just like that. Thanks for sharing. We adult has much to learn.
ReplyDeleteI'm 35 and recognise this fully. Walking down office corridors or streets. I can't look at people's eyes. Greeting everyone is too much. Sitting in a work meeting it's better to stare out of the window or at a phone or just keep my eyes closed. Sadly there are many people who don't understand this and think I'm not paying attention and are not interested, where as at the end of the day I turn out to have the biggest grasp on the subject and make it all work. It remains a cause for a lot of strife. Also in personal relationships with loved ones. But it's ok. As long as we understand ourselves, and keep gently explaining it like this to the world, they one day will too, little by little. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for explaining it so simply for us, Philip. I work in a special centre for people with IDD including those with autism. I value very much and have learnt a lot more from hearing someone like yourself responding to our "why's". Thanks again & bless you!
ReplyDeleteThank you Philip.
ReplyDeleteHi Philip!
ReplyDeleteI've come accross your posting on another site and I find it very clear, eye-opening and totally makes sense to me. Thank you for that.
I still wonder, if it wasn't easier to listen, if you close your eyes. And with eyes closed, how would it be to look at the person speaking?
I hope that you understand that I don't mean it as a criticism, but I want to understand even deeper how your world is. I would be glad if you could share some more on this.
Thank you
It is not easier for me to close my eyes. I think it is more awfully rude to the other person. -Philip
DeletePhilip,
ReplyDeleteI just found your site today, because a friend told me about it. Thank you so much for helping others to understand autism better. I have shared a tip with many of my autistic friends about eye contact that might help others. The problem is that some people (and not just autistic people, but shy people, too) are uncomfortable making and maintaining eye contact with others, but the people they are talking to are uncomfortable if they don't. They think you are bored with what they are saying and that you want them to go away. So here's a trick to keep both people happy: look at something near their eyes, but not quite at their eyes. For example, look at their hairline, their ear, or the rim of their glasses. Most people won't notice that you are not looking right in their eyes, but they will see you looking up and this will send them the message that you are listening and want to keep conversing with them. Do you think this will help some people to be more comfortable and have better conversations? Thank you again for your helpful site!
Dorothy