Friday, January 1, 2021

Goals for 2021

2020 was a rough year. I hope 2021 will be much better. 

2020 had many challenges. I felt very stressed and anxious. I went on medication that has helped. I still need to learn how to cope so I can learn to be more resilient to changes. 

Making my body more compliant to do what I am supposed to do is my number one goal this year. 

Freaking out body has been my biggest problem this year. For the first half of the year I was aggressive towards others when I got stressed. I would grab and scratch people. I did not want to do it but this is how my body acted automatically when stressed. 

In September I started propranolol and Lexapro for anxiety. Propranolol kept me from having fight or flight responses. This helped me tremendously. I stopped being aggressive. It made me more relaxed because i was no longer attacking others and hurting them.

My latest problem is getting paralysis. I lose functional movement at times. I cannot make my body obey. I hate when it happens. 

People think I am being willfully resistant, like I am having a battle of wills with them. I am not trying to disobey people. My body gets stuck. It gets unstuck on its own. But the more demands there are the more it keeps being stuck. 

I understand how frustrating this is for everyone around me. I think it causes lots of power struggles. I know I have to do something and I plan to do it once I can.


In 2021 my goal is to have my body be better behaved. I want it to be calm and well mannered. I want it to listen and obey what it should. I want it to stop freaking out. I want it to stop freezing.

I think I will try to get back to exercising. I want to work on handwriting. I should pray and read Bible everyday. I want to get back to writing more. I hope I can meet my goals this year. 

Happy New Year!



  1. Hey Phillip, I have a distinct sloppy style to my handwriting even though I have been writing for decades. I struggled a lot to fix it in the past. Now my son is 6 years old and his handwriting looks exactly the same. So I am wondering if it’s genetic. I find that sometimes it’s harder than other times and I will be gripping my pencil hard to compensate. Anyway I don’t blame about it myself anymore. I am looking forward to hearing how your handwriting practice goes.
    Thanks for blogging!

  2. Hi Phillip,
    Thank you so much for sharing. I've just recently found out about your blog and am so grateful for your efforts to help the world better understand autism. As a teacher who has worked with several students with ASD, I find your perspective so incredibly valuable. Please keep up the great work! I am wishing you the very best this year!

  3. Hi Philip, I think your blog is amazing! As a person with a processing disorder and symptoms on the spectrum, I prefer to communicate nonverbally. I look forward to hearing how your handwriting practice goes! Keep up the great work!

  4. Hello Philip. I like your blog.

  5. Hello Philip,

    I'm reaching out to you for help and insight. I have a 4 year old step son recently diagnosed with autism. He still can't talk and the words he does learn, he forgets how to say quickly.

    My question for you is, do you remember anything before 5 years old?

    If so, do you remember preferences on how you like being engaged/ learning activities?

    Anything you can provide would be awesome!!

    Thank you!!

  6. Hi Philip,
    Thank you for sharing your story. God has given you a voice for the ASD community and God has a beautiful and wonderful plan for your life. Keep reading your Bible. May you have a faith that is unshakable, a hope that is unbreakable and a love that knows no limits. May the God of Love and Peace guard your heart and your mind and your soul in Christ Jesus. May He be the calm in your storm. He is with you and in you and for you! Bless your heart!
    Prayerfully yours,

  7. Hi Phillip, You have my support. Reading your blogs I understand so much better autism. You are doing great work, thank you. Be happy and enjoy 2021. I think it will be better year.

  8. My young son has autism And this gives me so much hope.

  9. Hello Phillip. THANK you for writing this blog and I am grateful to learn anything you have to tell us. My grandson is very young and autistic. Maybe your experiences will help all of us here.
    Thank you for blogging.

  10. Hello Phillip

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. 2020 was a difficult year for everyone all around the world. I too experieneced a lot of stress and anxiety. But this too shall pass. Don't be hard on your body. It freezing might also be partly related to your stress or your medication. Just be patient. I know how frustrating that is. But I mean, maybe just by being patient and loving towards yourself and your body you will understand it better and you will help it break out the freeze slowly. Wishing you the best