Tuesday, January 15, 2019

New Year's Resolution 2019

This year I want to get fit. I made my New Year’s resolution to exercise everyday. Practicing moving my body purposefully is learning. I have to learn both for my mind and body. Moving my body the way I want it is my biggest challenge today. I mean to overcome this challenge like the many challenges I had in the past. I have overcome not being able to express my intelligence. I have overcome being excluded from my public school. I have overcome some of my sensory challenges so I can handle going out more and having fun. There is hope I can overcome my wild body too. Being able to control my body will help me so much. I could make more meaningful actions to become more independent. I could get more control to stop impulsive behaviors. I would be more confident because I wouldn’t have to worry about my body embarrassing me with its crazy antics and weird tics.

My mom has been learning about exercises and reflex integration to help mature my brain so it works better. I believe my body will make more necessary neural connections. I am also trying to strengthen my muscles by lifting weights.  I want to feel my body in space better. I feel my limbs better with weights. More muscle should help me feel my body better. 

Meaningless body movements make me mad. I am now destroying all my shirts by mouthing them. I don’t want to look like a homeless person in rags but I am powerless to stop my habit. I want my body to listen when my mind tells it not to bite or do other annoying things. Perhaps I can get better at impulse control with my new exercises. 

I love exercising because it makes me feel good. I hope to meet my goals. I mean to give it my all. 

Copyright 2019 Philip Reyes.  All rights reserved.

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

My Own Path

I have recently changed my school path from being diploma bound to life skills. I am at peace with this decision.  I tried very hard to be a regular student but it was more than what I could handle even with my supports. My autism is really my biggest hurdle. Making my body cooperate for long periods of time was more than I could manage. I fell behind in doing work and got frustrated to the point of having too many meltdowns. Learning was becoming more difficult because I tried to control my body . It took up most of my energy so that I had none left for getting educated or typing. I was starting to not enjoy school. I am really feeling more at peace making the change to life skills. 

I am still going to some regular classes. I really love Global Studies and Music in Our Lives. I will learn everything I can and do all the work I am able to do. But I won’t have to do everything if it is too much. I am in some special ed classes too. They are not a lot of work. I can still learn and become better at working on my skills. 

I am meaning to make the most of my opportunities.  I try to make myself more calm so I can participate more easily. I am forging my own path.  I think I can still make a meaningful and productive life without a diploma. I can try to enjoy my high school years more by taking the classes I really like and not worrying about meeting all the graduation requirements. I can also make friends with people more like me. I want dear teachers to keep challenging me to do as much as I can. Learning is more fun for me again.  

Philip

Keyboarding in Music in Our Lives

Copyright 2018 Philip Reyes.  All rights reserved.

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Peace is Hard to Find

Peace is very hard to find. Watching, waiting for my mind to answer questions. Why can’t I act normal? Why am I so fearful? Why am I not able to do the simplest things? Lots of questions. I am heaping many questions on God. I have the school of great teachers. I can learn but the beast that is my body makes me really hard to manage. It addresses every impulse every second of the day. I am tired of my body. It gets me in trouble all the time. I am always scared of its next move. I am really so embarrassed by its actions. I wish I could be seen by my thoughts instead of my actions. But we live in a world of appearance. I would like to be normal in my body but still have my autistic soul. 

Philip

Copyright 2018 Philip Reyes.  All rights reserved.

Saturday, October 27, 2018

Sensory Trouble

I have been having problems typing lately. I can still type with mom but I am no longer able to type at school. I am becoming more distracted by my sensory world. I feel trapped in my thoughts of madness. I see very many meaningless details. I feel every annoying itch. I hear the meaningless sound of everything competing with my teachers.  I get overstimulated. 

I need to get myself in the right zone to think for school. Leaving my sensory world is important so I can learn and make my words flow. The words can’t surface in the storm. I need an anchor to keep me from getting overwhelmed by the hurricane of stimuli. The anchor is my aide. I need to trust she will guide me out of the storm and keep me focused on the task.  I mean to learn to be better at managing myself at school. But I am not doing well yet. I need even more support than I needed last year. I am calling on God to help me be able to get through this hard time in my life. Please pray for me. 

Philip

Backhuysen, Ludolf - Christ in the Storm on the Sea of Galilee - 1695


Copyright 2018 Philip Reyes.  All rights reserved.

Saturday, October 6, 2018

Trapped

I am locked in my mind
Cannot bail out my thoughts. 
I try to say how i feel 
but my mind is not carrying messages out today.  
Waiting for the gates 
Of my mind to be  
Thrown open
Wide. 

Copyright 2018 Philip Reyes.  All rights reserved.

Friday, August 24, 2018

Why I Advocate

I am being an advocate to help others like me achieve living a life with the chance to communicate with his or her own words. I was not born with the ability to speak freely. I was not born with a body that cooperates easily. But I was born with a thinking mind. I was misunderstood for years because my inabilities masked my intelligence. I became like a prisoner of my own silence. I am now free because of RPM. 

I tell my story because I am not the only autistic person who thinks but can’t talk. I am convinced all nonspeaking autistics have thoughts they would love to tell if they could. That’s why I advocate for my nonspeaking brothers and sisters. 

Imagine if you could not talk or write on your own. How would you feel? You would feel enormous frustration and sadness. That’s how I felt because no one really knew me or accepted me as I was. No one thought autism was ok. Everyone saw it as bad. Mom was so depressed because of me. But now Mom is so happy because she now understands.  

I know not everyone is an advocate. That’s ok. I am an advocate because my life was saved by learning to communicate by spelling. I cannot remain silent about this when lives are at stake. 

Old ways are eventually abandoned for better ways. Some will fight for the old ways but in the end they will lose. May you find yourself on the winning side of history. 

 One of the self-advocates presenting at Motormorphosis 2018




Copyright 2018 Philip Reyes.  All rights reserved.

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Freedom of Speech for Everyone

I am happy people are writing ASHA. We need to come together as individuals, supporters, and advocates who want to see everyone’s right to freedom of speech protected and preserved. 

I think ASHA would be violating its own ethics if it were to pass its proposals on RPM and FC. Peace is being able to express myself in writing. I am free to use my own words when I type my words. I don’t need to worry about saying the wrong word or not being understood by my poor enunciation.  

Typing is better than PECS and picture based communication.  I don’t think in pictures like Temple Grandin. I love word forms of communication. There are so many words to choose. Each has a little different meaning like delicious and savory. I like to have full access to all the words at my disposal. Pictures don’t allow this freedom. I can’t distinguish between a good day and one that filled me with awe watching God paint the sky with luminescent pink, orange, and glorious beams of sun bursting through majestic clouds. I was made to express myself in my way no matter if it is different than the majority. No one should have the right to stop me or anyone else from communicating. 

I have been listening to various letters written to ASHA. Some are passionate. Others are logical. I love that people have different personalities that come out in the words they choose. I want all people to be able to express themselves. With RPM we learn to express ourselves showing who we really are in our personalities. I am writing to keep my voice and protect the future of freedom of speech.