Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Thoughts on Thinking, Reading, Writing, and School

By Philip

I think reading is important bc (because) it is how we hear information best.  I read a lot.  I like to read signs and TV.  I have a hard time reading books bc momentarily I cannot very well handle a book.  Books are hard to handle bc they store information too sedentary.   How you read it, you have to sit still.  When I read I either read it at a glance or ten words at a time.  I need to teach myself to not be too keen to tons of words all at once. It undermines the ability to understand. Before spelling I read my thoughts in my mind.  No small task. No one sees the struggle I have to write my thoughts. Ordering intentions in my swollen limited brain is tiring. I sometimes really want to be normal. I store too much information to peruse carefully now. I have to really work to retrieve my decided thoughts from swirling ideas going on under the talked  out thought. Not being able to stim makes it harder to focus on my thought to spell. I can concentrate better when I can stim and move around.  It is hard to stay on task bc I really get distracted easily.  I want to not like me going after my impulses so much.  I want to be in control of myself better.

I want to write about the need for sage wisdom to teach non verbal Autistics.  Methods of tedeous work such as ABA are ineffective in helping interests develop.  I am weak in learning skills for the real world.  One day each Autistic should decide to understand the neurotypical world.  I think going to school to learn to practice going out into the real world is so important.  We Autistics are not able to understand normal social rules without exposure to normal situations.  I need to monitor myself better.  I am sometimes really mean to people by lashing out at them in my anger and rotten anxiety.  I am immature in my emotions.  I kind of do not walk out my feelings.  They pour out instead.  I am beginning to understand myself better about pouring out my feelings better so that I won't hurt anyone.  I am not strong at controlling impulses.  Impulses to form other kinds of reaching out are strong.  No mention of escaping anxieties.  I have a strong desire for acting to obtain objects that kind of get my attention like leaves and strings.  I am active bc I learn best when I am allowed to move.  Day to day I am peaceful when I finish my writing about life.  Hearing my thoughts come out makes me mirthfully eager to stay in this world and not in Autismland.

 At Big Sis's high school graduation June 29, 2014

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