Making Friends

J writes:

Phillip, how do you makes friends? My grandson is 11 and has no friends and is dreading going back to school because kids are mean to him and tease him.  It's heart breaking. Any hints?

To J,

Learning to make friends is hard. Is he interested in anything in particular? Maybe he can make a friend who has the same interests. Talking on-line is also a good way to let a person in your life in a less menacing way. Because you don’t have to worry about eye contact, social manners, and time to respond on-line, it is easier for me to interact on-line. Making friends face-to-face is easier with other autistics that understand. It gets easier with lots of time hanging out. I love having friends. Meaningful memories come from being with my friends. I get lots of practice making friends because my mom and her friends get us kids together. I love that meaningful friends can make my life more fun. Good luck to your grandson this school year. May he find a good friend.

Love,

Philip

Me and some of my RPM Friends in Buffalo

My Time in Maryland (ICI Conference)

Me and Diego

Two weeks ago I attended ICI in Maryland. ICI means Institute on Communication and Inclusion. Making learning about autistic means to inclusion pleases me. I met Diego, his mom Edlyn, and his helper. It was fun hanging out. One of my favorite days was when I got to type with Michael and Camille. We typed about the ABCs of inclusion. Inclusion is so important. Elizabeth cared about our group and loved what we wrote. I am pleased she wanted to talk with me and held my keyboard even though she never met me before. She had confidence in me and her ability to talk with me.

Me and Elizabeth (practicing independence)

Good meaningful lectures peacefully made me take note of what I would like to achieve too, like doing a talk. I would also like the ability to type more independently. Lots of time and practice needs to be invested to get good. Part of my learning was getting to practice more stressful environments. I want to get better at sitting quietly and not being disruptive. I get mad at myself for being too noisy when stressed. Peace often escapes me in crowds and loud places. I was managing as best I could. Life day to day can be unpredictable. Sometimes I am in more control of my body. Other days I can hardly feel my body. It is the worst feeling to feel weightless. I hate being practically disembodied. It becomes a nightmare. Stimming helps feel my body again.

Part of a big drum circle

On day 1 I could not stay calm. I needed to stim badly to feel my body. Help came from Casey. She gave me a massage and sang to me. Casey saved my day. I sat more calmly after that. On day 2 I had my best day. I loved that I could participate and meet new friends. Making friends was the best part of the conference. I will remember talking to Diego, Michael, Camille, and Elizabeth as the highlight of the week.

Michael, Camille, and Me

ABC's of Inclusion

by Philip, Michael, and Camille

Actual inclusion opens doors.

Be patient with us. 

Caring people make it successful.    

Don't give up.

Excellent expectations. 

Friends, need I say more?    

Give us lots of patient encouragement.

Hear us when we spell. 

In day, talking to friends opens my world.      

Just like typically functioning,need support.

Keep believing in us. 

Learn challenging subjects. 

Must be proud.

No baby talk. 

Open hearts please us.       

Praise our achievements as they are yours as well.

Question your assumptions. 

Remember we are just like you.

Spelling is our way out.

Treat us with respect.  

Understand totally intelligent and eager to learn.

Voices must be heard.      

Wait for us to finish our thoughts. 

Xylophone can't make open words and it still is in the orchestra.

You are needed for our success. 

Zero tolerance for non believers.

My Friends

Meeting my friends in Canada

Friends and acquaintances are people who make life interesting, fun, and less lonely. I am getting together with more friends lately. But socializing is hard for me. I am very shy. I want to be more outgoing and friendly. Learning to face my fears of embarrassment is hard. I make impulsive moves practically all the time. Learning to control my body to do things purposely is so much work and energy consuming. I care to keep facing my social anxiety so I can have friends.

Friends care for each other. Making friends is life-making by giving me other people to learn from and really care about.  Life would be boring without people to hang out with. I am going to teach myself to be less shy so I can enjoy meaningful friendships. I like when I can talk with my friends. I love peaceful conversations. Beautiful, cool, autistic people make my life delightful. I have practice being social now. Making friends is now a possibility. I hope to be a good friend too.

Last weekend I went to Canada to meet new friends. Meeting Fox, Brayden, and Ryan was pretty special. I got to meet other kids who do RPM and blog. My friend Kaylie was there too. At one time, we all sat in a circle talking to each other on our letterboards and iPads. It was awesome. I never thought I would be a part of a big group of friends. I am meaning to keep these friendships. I hope to get together with them again soon.

I was happy hiking with Fox and his family. We peacefully hiked a trail down to the creek. The creek was cool. I waded my feet. Fox went in all the way. We hiked back. I got to walk on big fallen logs. My day was almost perfect. I only wish my dad was there, but he was home sick that day.

I am happy I now have friends. Making friends is hard work but making friends is worthwhile. My life is much better with friends.

My friends' blogs: 

Hear Me Speak Without A Voice- Now My Wants Are Being Heard by Kaylie

Fox Talks With Letters by Fox

Life With A Boy Named Brayden by Brayden

I Am In My Head by Ryan

Copyright 2016 Philip Reyes.  All rights reserved.

Friendship

By Fox

Friendship is so important to me. Before I learned RPM a friendship wasn't possible for me and I always felt lonely. Not feeling that way anymore. A friend is someone that understands you and likes doing things with you. Autism can make people afraid and angry with you. Autism can make people find you strange and can feel sad and lonely. Autism becomes an excuse for people to ignore you or treat you bad. Autism is not the problem. I find autism is very misunderstood. A lot of talkers think that talking from your mouth is the same skill as thinking, it is not. Naturally they forget that they can think without talking but don't give Autistics the benefit of the doubt. Am trying to show people that Autistics are all smart thinkers. I am a letter talker now and am making a lot of friends. I am still autistic but difference is that friendship is easier when communication is possible. Amazing to be able to talk to some of my friends and the others are learning RPM too so I look forward to talking with them in future. Amazingly fun to learn together. I am lucky and happy to have such great friends. A hope of mine is for all non-speaking Autistics to be taught RPM and find their group of friends.

Fox is 9 years old. He is autistic and talks with a letter board instead of his mouth. He has been talking since May 2014. He loves all learning and wants to be a scientist and poet when he grows up. He lives in Ontario with his family, two cats and his service dog Tetley. You can read more of Fox’s writing on his blog Fox Talks With Letters.