My Body's Struggle

I am autistic and have dyspraxia. That means I have problems making my body move the way I want it to. This is why I have trouble speaking, writing, and using my gross motor skills to interact with others. Having dyspraxia is the biggest problem for me. It is what confuses people most and makes me feel the most isolated. 

My body’s behavior is a very poor reflection of who I am on the inside. I am seemingly a lost child unaware of what is going on around me.  I come across as not being smart or capable. I mean to be more helpful but I am barely able to make myself stay regulated to do much without being beckoned to stim or give into an impulse to relieve stress. My body is a saboteur to my mind’s true intentions. 

If my body were in control I would make it sit attentively in class. I would take the most interesting classes which for me are math and social studies. I would be able to write complex equations by myself and be able to solve them. I would want to learn to play the piano like Mozart my favorite composer. I would try out for the soccer team and have lots of friends. I would be very active in volunteering to help my school be a place that includes everyone because I know what it is like to be an outsider. 

Making my body cooperate is my life long struggle. I work on it by exercising to make stronger neural connections. I continue Rapid Prompting Method to build my communication skills with new people and get more independent. I have hope I will improve in my body. Rehearsing the future me in my mind of how I can be gives me the power to work hard and not give up.

Copyright 2019 Philip Reyes.  All rights reserved.

Middle School: My Transition to Society

Simone writes: Hi Philip, my son is turning 15 now and he will start attending his first regular class next school year.  Can you share your experience and also give us some advice based on your own transition?

Transitioning from my autism school to regular school was a long process. I wanted to learn more interesting things than my autism school had to offer. I looked for more challenges to keep my mind sharp and active.  I wanted a regular education. I wanted to be like my siblings getting interesting things to learn about.  

I am learning to be patient about reaching my goals. Being in a body like mine is difficult. My body is geared as one built for another planet besides Earth. I have a difficult time feeling my body in space. I feel as if I don’t have weight.  I need a lot more sensory input than most people. I get input by moving, tapping, sniffing, and deep pressure to my body. Once I get calm, I need less input. Teachers learned that I needed sensory input throughout the day so I could feel calmer at school. I was allowed to take walks with my weighted vest before my regular classes. I had times I could have a break for listening to music, rocking on a chair, or smelling nice candles. It was a good thing to have sensory breaks.

I have made a lot of progress throughout my time at Heim Middle. When I look back when I first started in the middle of 5th grade, I am amazed I was not kicked out of the school. I talked less than almost all my autistic classmates. I could not use my letterboard well for my teachers. I got so anxious around everyone because I felt like I was a burden and a nuisance. This led to many meltdowns during my first few months at school. I was frustrated because I wanted to show I was smart and belonged there. But my body was like a wild bull not wanting to obey anyone. I would even make my teachers frightened by my aggressive actions that happened when I became overwhelmed with frustration or anxiety. I am fortunate my teachers put up with me while I was adjusting to a new school.

I got better at managing my body eventually. I learned to realize that even though I felt my body's negative sensations due to anxiety or stress, I could talk to myself about letting it pass without as much negative behavior from me. My mom and I started a morning routine of reading Bible verses and a devotion about it. I would write a morning report about it and post it on Facebook. I came to the realization that I could sit still by concentrating on God’s word and what I learned from it. I could calm my worries.

When I was able to relax more, I started to type much better with teachers. I got used to each person’s style of working with me. I wanted to work harder to be able to participate in regular classes. I was not able to go regularly until grade 7 when I started science, social studies, and technology. I learned to advocate for myself by typing my intentions at my IEP meeting. I almost was denied the opportunity but my speaking up in person made the difference.

My body is still lacking control though I have come very far. Taming my body is more than I can handle alone. That is why I needed an aide at all times. An aide keeps me on task and makes sure I do not get too distracted. I could not get through my days without my amazing aides. I learned to be more disciplined with my body but I know I must continue to work hard at this.

Impulsive behaviors sometimes set back my progress. I sometimes get in a phase of impulsivity where I do irrational things like flipping light switches rapidly or slamming doors. I know it annoys others a lot but I feel compelled to keep doing it. I have learned when I get impulsive, I have to stop what I am doing and question myself why I am doing it. I can sometimes make impulses go away faster now.

I have just finished 8th grade. I participated in my graduation ceremony. I walked across the stage by myself to receive my certificate. It was a very proud moment for me. I even went to the dance after. It was fun. I am going to miss Heim very much.

I am both excited and nervous to start high school.  It will be brand new with different teachers and aides. It is going to be another adjustment but maybe I will be more able to adjust better now. I have gained a lot of wisdom these past few years. I want my high school experience to be as good as middle school.  I hope everyone there will believe in me like my teachers in middle school did.

Philip

Copyright 2017 Philip Reyes.  All rights reserved.

Advice for Teachers

A writes:

Hello Phillip and mom. It’s me the OT again in need of some advice. Hoping you all are doing well. So I am still working with my friend, who is non-verbal, but very much aware of EVERYTHING. He is almost 5 years old and is really starting to buck the system. I have taken your advice very seriously and have been working with him on purposeful motor activities, which he usually gets mad at me for, pinching me and pushing his head into my face. I always tell him that I understand that this is hard, but I know he can do it. Please advise....what is the most encouraging way that you have had someone working with you be?  I don't want him to not want to come to therapy, but I also don't want to be a disservice and not help him to be more than he knows he can be... Understand that most of our session is way fun...it's just those moments...

I would like to tell you about people who make good teachers. People who are nice, patient, and understanding make the best teachers. I mean to help the caring teachers be more effective at helping us. I owe a debt of gratitude to all my teachers. I love learning. I try to learn from everyone.  My teachers make my learning interesting by acting interested in what they teach.

I hope you are becoming more aware of the reasons behind your students’ behaviors. When I get overwhelmed with stress I am more likely to act impulsively. I stress when I am in new situations. I stress when I feel I am not in control of my body. The fear of acting badly is often a source of anxiety too. My body acts with a mind of its own. I never mean to hurt or annoy people. I should learn to better meet stressful situations. I can take deep breaths. I can pray.

I need patient and kind teachers who know I am not trying to be bad. The people who can wait for me to do things on my own time are the best. This does not mean I should not be pushed. I need to be pushed or else I could not progress. What I need is someone who can help me be successful at being my best at that time. Teachers cannot get me to do what I am incapable to do yet. But they should be patient to let me keep trying because some day I might get it. Please try not to get frustrated with me. I know I can be hard to understand.

I think the best way to deal with behaviors is not letting them make you hardened toward me. I do these things because I get anxious, scared, or feel out of control or overwhelmed. Try to understand. Try not to get mad at me. Try to keep me calm by being a calming person. Be encouraging and persistent. Learn from me too. Push me more but not in a mean way. Mean manners make me more upset. Be a good person to me and you will so win my trust and hard work, but know I still have my limits. I badly want to learn and progress. Meaningful relationships with my teachers are ones in which my teachers know I am smart and push me to do more in a gentle and understanding manner. I love when I learn something new. I need teachers.

Philip

Copyright 2016 Philip Reyes.  All rights reserved.

Behaviors and Making Better Choices

MK writes:

I have a question for you Phillip. Do/did you ever have challenging behaviors? Especially when you were overstimulated and nervous? Some friends hit or scream out. I think people would want to know what to do when someone with autism is reacting in an inappropriate way. I think people try to help but only make it worse. What is your opinion? I have many friends with autism so I have lots of questions for you.

To MK,

I have had some harmful behaviors. The most common behavior I have used is grabbing. I have grabbed people’s clothes and arms. I did this when I was overwhelmed with anxiety and stress. I mean to day to day be able to control my frustrations but I can’t always succeed. I am learning to last longer at meeting challenging situations by not resorting to my behaviors.

It was bad when I grabbed at my teachers at school. At one time I would grab a teacher’s collar if I got nervous about anticipating doing something difficult at school. I would continue to grab if I was made to do what was making me nervous. I could not stop. I hated my grabbing impulses because they would bury me in a fit of rage I could not come out of. I had to carry out the impulse until I had no energy left. I am ashamed of my behaviors. It was mean of me and I hated my actions. I knew they hurt people and made things worse. I would make people afraid of me.

Meaningful ways to better deal with stress and frustration should be talked about. I think some learning of coping skills should be understood. Learning Bible verses and daily devotions has helped me make better choices about my actions. I now try to learn self-control by meditating Bible teachings and praying to God to help me. I feel more calm and at peace. I am teaching myself to hear meaningful advice and follow it. I am now able to tell myself that I can do it. My autism may make things difficult to accomplish but accepting help from God and others makes me able to make each challenge easier to meet.

From,

Philip