Philip answers a question from a mother who has a son with a recent autism diagnosis.
Hello Philip. I have a 3 and a
half yr old son and he was diagnosed with autism before he was 3. I’m having a
hard time; really hard because he never listens to me. I don’t know if he
understands or is just not paying attention. Sometimes he responds but most of
the time he ignores me. He used to recite ABC's and numbers but now he says
nothing. At an early age, did you act like that too? I'm in need of understanding
his behavior. And I know no one around me with this kind of case on their
children. Thank you for creating this page.
Best regards,
Ms. J
Dear Ms. J,
I am an Autistic since
birth. Understand our brains are not neurotypical. Not looking or talking does
not mean not thinking. All people need love and understanding even when they
can't express themselves. I can try to understand you to see your side in
this. I know you are worried. Autism is different. People make life difficult
for your son to fit in. Moms want to fix everything. My mom wants me to not
make mistakes but I make a lot. I can learn from mistakes. You can try to
understand your son is learning. No one needs to baby him. My advice is to
treat him at his age. No matter what, please veer him toward the normal
world as much as possible. He each day learns from being exposed to many
experiences. Listening to people’s words amounts to many momentous
memories. Watch what you say around him. Make sure you talk about nice
things. No one should have to hear about their deficits without also hearing
about their strengths.
I was like your son when I was younger. I
was always listening but not always responding in a way people understood.
This was because my body would not follow my mind’s directions. There are
moments my body could obey better but it is not consistent all the time. When I
was younger, I was able to talk better with my mouth. I had to put my learning
at the mercy of ABA to make me talk like a neurotypical person. I was only able
to speak as I was trained to talk through repetition. I could not express what
I really wanted to say. Popular therapies like ABA and speech could not help me
truly communicate because they lack presumption of intelligence. No Autistic
wants to be made to feel inferior. I am finally able to tell my true
thoughts by typing. I hope you give your son the opportunity to be himself as Autistic
and make his life better by accommodating his challenges in fitting into a
neurotypical world.
From,
Philip
These are some of Philip's previous posts which explain the following (click to read):
Philip supporting his brother at a soccer game
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