Peace

I am more at peace lately. Peace in my life is letting go of my worries and making God center of my life. Making autism center is not helpful. Man should never be the center. Perfect wisdom comes from God alone. Peace comes from really teaching me about God. My mom reads me the Bible everyday. I learn that God is at work teaching people about His great love. He loves us without ceasing. I am peaceful knowing God accepts me no matter what. Mom accepts me like God does. She loves me as I am right now. This is why I can start to feel my anxiety fade away.

I make more daring decisions now. I used to be afraid of almost everything. I feared a beach with its crashing waves and many people. Now I love playing in the sand and sea. I used to have meltdowns in a noisy auditorium. I feared I would make a terrible scene. Making a scene was a bigger fear than the actual noise.

I have developed some calming strategies. One is to pray. Handing over my worries to God really helps. Wanting to please my teachers has made me not behave as badly as in the past. Naturally I am unable to control my movements and stims well. But now I am able to be in control a little more. I am more able to be calmer in new situations. I am not so fearful of making mistakes. I know I will still be loved by God and by those who see me not as a bad boy but as the real me and still accepts me. I am more courageous. I am facing fears of failure by day to day understanding I will be ok even if I fail. God always loves me.

Philip learning to skate at SABAH

Copyright 2015 Philip Reyes.  All rights reserved.

Writing

I write for pain relief. Pain comes in many forms. My senses make lots of trouble for me. Tons of minute details pull for my attention. Meaningful things compete each day for my focus.  They must compete against my impulse to be drawn to insignificant things such as a napkin to shred or a glass bottle to tap. I am panicked to leave my stims because I get overwhelmed by sounds and sights coming at me all at once. In school in PE I must keep moving to take my focus off the loud echoes from the gym. I must move in my seat to not be bothered by the seat's metallic hardness. I must allow myself to tap objects to find myself amidst all the chaos. I hope I cease being hindered by stims. I am compelled to stim so much it gets in the way of meeting my goals to be included in my regular classes. I am smart enough to do the work. But my teachers say it's not enough. I have to sit well. I have to be a little more focused. I have to be more quiet. I like to write to try to think about my life and how I can improve. I am peaceful when I can explain my thoughts and feelings. It relieves my anxieties more than stims. I care to replace some annoying stims with smart decisions. I forget to use my thinking brain when my senses get overloaded or I feel nervous by people's expectations. I can remember mom's words that people like me. I can learn not to be too anxious about many things that don't really hurt me. I can reason about situations. I can peacefully breathe to slow my body. Writing is my outlet for teaching myself each day and contributing to society. I love writing. It is my passion. I mean to be a writer. I like to imitate people I am admiring. I like Malala, potent authors, my friend Ryan, and my mom. I hope to learn to be more like them. I mean to write to make my thoughts be always remembered. Each day I try to write to be peaceful in my soul. I write to heal. In writing I find my joy.

Love,

Philip

Philip's 12th Birthday

Acoustics- A Music Teacher's Question

A writes:

I am going to be graduating with a music education degree in May and I am hoping to get a job at a middle school teaching beginning band. My question is what could I as a teacher do in that environment to help autistic kids who want to learn instruments, but may get overwhelmed by all of the stimuli going on in the room? What do you think would help you in that situation? Love your blog! Just discovered it yesterday and have been reading it nonstop. It helped me understand some of the autistic students I have had in the past better.

A

Philip writes:

I am a lover of music. Music plays a mighty role in my life. I am moved by a beautiful song. I am moved by melodies and good lyrics. Music is loved but sometimes it can be too loud. I am very sensitive to sound. Acoustics play a role. I have apprehension when I enter a room with hard floors and walls.  Loud sounds bounce piercing frequencies. They kill my peaceful enjoyment of music.  I feel like a glass man easily shattered by active waves of giant sound. However, I do not want to be this fearful. I toughen up by facing my fears. I am losing my sensitivity to loud places by going to them more often. I can go in church. I can go in a gym and to movies.  To face a hard environment, I am mindful of me wanting to participate. I tell myself that man attains nothing by allowing his surroundings real power to stop him from what he wants to do. I try to withstand the sensory torment by stimming to calm my nerves. In my quest to socialize I make my stims try to blend in.  I cover my stims by whispering to myself my own song to try to calm down. My advice to kids who want to learn an instrument but get overloaded is to master his fear by telling himself peace will be limited if you avoid everything that brings apprehension. To put fear to rest, address the job of meeting his goal. Make a plan to get there. Get help if needed. Learn to adapt.  And when you conquer your fear, and achieve your goal, you will achieve true peace.

You can help your students by asking them if they can tolerate auditoriums. If they can't but still want to learn, may they wear noise-cancelling headphones? You can also try to gradually expose them to the auditorium. I am peaceful in the auditorium after a year of trying little by little. Patient teachers are the best.

Philip's favorite instrument is the piano.  He can't play yet, but maybe in the future...